THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 30, 2008

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he would like a bottle of Christian Dior for his wife’s birthday.
“A little surprise eh?” said the clerk.
“You bet,” replied the man. “She is expecting a cruise.”

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 30, 2008

A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit. After the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello dear, this is meeee..."

She answered. "I just have to know if you're happy there in the after life. What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," husband answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."

"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried.

"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm back as a buffalo."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 30, 2001

Santa and Banta have just started their job installing telegraph poles. At the end of the first week they both go to collect their wages and the boss tells Santa that he is dismissed.
"Why?" asks Santa.
"Well," said the boss "Banta has put in 50 poles this week and you have only done 5."
Santa looks rather perplex, and says, “but I have been planting them deeper than Banta.”

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 30, 2008

The patients in a Mental Health Facility were misbehaving so the man in charged said: “If you behave yourselves, I promise that I will build a swimming pool for you." The man saw that they were not misbehaving anymore so he builds the pool. When the patients saw that the pool was built, they were very happy-- doing all kinds of stunts in the pool, then the man said: If you behave yourselves, I will put water in the pool!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 16, 2008

A completely drunk Banta was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Banta asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the officer. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Banta said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 16, 2008

Three contractors are bidding for a government tender. First one says. "Well, I figure the job will run about 900,000: 400,000 for materials, 400,000 for my crew and 100,000 profit for me."

The second contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says I can do this job for 700,000: 300,000 for materials, 300,000 for my crew and 100,000 profit for me."

The third contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the State House official and whispers, "2,700,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The third contractor whispers back, "1,000,000 for me, 1,000,000 for you, and we hire the first guy to do the job".

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 16, 2008

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and said, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 16, 2008

The "Buffolo Theory" of Beer..
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 16, 2008

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 16, 2008

Banta was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife wasreally pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife wokeup, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a boxgift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new weighing machine.

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 11, 2008

One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 11, 2008

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says, "He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pourher a drink. You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 11, 2008

Santa and Banta are sitting and drinking beer when out of the blue Santa says, “I think I’m gonn a divorce my wife… she ain’t spoke to me in over a month.”

Banta sips his beer and says, “Better think over, women like that are hard to find.”

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

There was a rich man who was approached by a poor beggar asking for food.The rich man asked, "Do you smoke? I could give you some cigarettes."The beggar responded, "No, I don't. I am just hungry and want food."Then the rich man asked, "Do you drink? I have a bottle of good whiskey I could give you."The beggar replied, "No, I don't drink. I am just hungry and need food."Finally the rich man asked, "Do you gamble? I could give you some good tips on the races this weekend."The beggar again replied, "No. I am just hungry and want some food."Finally the rich man said, "Well, in that case, I had better take you to my home."He invited the beggar into his car and drove him to his very substantial home. There, he introduced the beggar to his wife, who asked, "What are you going to do with this man? Are you going to invite him to live with us, eat our food, and wear our clothes?"The man replied, "No, of course not. I just wanted to show you what happens to a man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 2008

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"
The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

Banta had a bit of a drinking problem. Every day, he would spend the entire evening at a local bar and arrived home, drunk, around midnight. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his drunken state. But Banta continued his routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, spoke to a friend about her husband's behavior. The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of screaming and shouting at him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, amidnight, when Banta arrived home in his usual condition. This time, instead of shouting her lungs out as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?"
At that, Banta replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

Banta was reading newspaper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Basanti' written on it."
He says, "honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Basanti was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away. Three days later again when Banta is reading paper when his walks up and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

Banta man went out for a winter vacation to Mumbai. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, screamed and fell to the floor

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: "I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letters."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

Santa and Banta went out for fishing and caught the biggest fish they have ever seen. Banta tells Santa to mark the spot, “We need to remember this spot so we can come back here again.”
Santa pulls a pen out of his pocket and makes a big ‘X’ on the bottom of his boat.
Banta looks at Santa, shaking his head in disgust. “You idiot - what if we bring another boat next time?”

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

Santa and Banta went out fishing, but they could not manage to catch even a single fish all day. Then, another fisherman passes by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"
The other fisherman replies,” If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."
They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, Banta tells Santa "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."
Santa dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. salty."
30 minutes later, Banta asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty."
One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."
"This isn't good," Banta finally says. "We have been rowing for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"
"I know," says Santa. "And the bucket is almost empty!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

One day Santa came in to work with both of his ears bandaged. When his boss asked him what happened, he explained: "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rangand I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"

"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but whatabout the other?"

Santa said, "They called back!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

Santa and Banta were studing geology. They went on a field trip studying rock formations in Russia. They arranged for a pilot to fly them into a remote area, to collect some specimens. While they're there, they collect six large rock specimens to take back to the lab, for further analysis.
The pilot returns to pick them up and they start loading everything into the plane. When the pilot sees the rocks, he objects strenuously.
"Those rocks are too heavy," says the pilot, "the plane can only take four, so you have to leave two behind."
Both argue with the pilot, telling him that the year before, they had collected six similarly heavy rocks and the pilot had allowed them to put all of them aboard. This plane is the exact same model and capacity.
Reluctantly, the pilot permits them to put the whole lot onboard. But when they attempt to take off and leave the valley, the little plane can't carry the load. They have to make an emergency landing in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, Banta asks Santa, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yeah, I think so," replies Santa. "Must be about the same place where we had to make the emergency landing last year!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are taking a trip across a desert by hot-air balloon. There are not many landmarks; so eventually, they become lost. Luckily, while flying quite low, they see a man.
Holmes shouts, "Sir, could you please tell me where we are?"
The man looks up, ponders for a moment, and then answers, "Gentlemen, you are in a hot-air balloon!"
At this moment, a burst of wind picks up the balloon and carries it away.
Holmes turns to Watson and asks: "My friend, do you know who that man is?"
"No, Holmes, of course not!"
"He's a mathematician!"
"Holmes, that's incredible! But *how* do you know?"
"It's very simple, Watson. First of all, the man thought before giving us an answer. Secondly, his answer was absolutely correct. And thirdly, the answer he gave us was of no practical use, whatsoever!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

Santa and Banta, were sitting outside a clinic. Santa happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Banta asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Santa.
"So? Are you afraid?" said Banta
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
As Banta heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Santa stopped his tears and asked Banta, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Banta replied, "I came for a urine test!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 4, 2008

Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 4, 2008

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love" came the voice.

The old man replied, "I thought so... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window... they're choking my ducks!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 4, 2008

Banta decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys hundred chicken to get up and running. A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died. Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens,

"I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer, "I think I'm planting them too deep."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 4, 2008

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars"
"What does that tell you?" enquired Holmes.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful clear day tomorrow. What does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, some one has stolen our tent"

THE CARTOON OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 4, 2008

Trying a meditation class to meet chicks

This cartoon is published with permission of Ben Hoffman. You can view his full collection at http://benhoffman.wordpress.com/

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

Banta is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Banta says, "I am only following the instructions Answer in brief'".

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

Banta out on morning walk suddenly stops and starts staring at a banana peel which was resting on the pavement. Santa was passing by and he also stopped and asked Banta what is it.
Sad looking Banta looks up and says, "I will have to slip once again, someone has been careless with banana peel once again."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

Banta finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask god for help. "Oh god, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Banta again goes back to the god, "oh lord, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!!
Back to the god, "my lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light and Banta is confronted by the voice of the lord: "BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST."

THE CARTOON OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

This cartoon is published with permission of Ben Hoffman. You can view his full collection at http://benhoffman.wordpress.com/

THE CARTOON OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 31, 2008

That’s John McCain’s economic adviser! Whoaaaaa!!!

This cartoon is courtesy My friend Ben Hoffman. You can view his complete collection at http://benhoffman.wordpress.com/

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 31, 2008

Once Banta wanted to know the time difference between Amritsar and Las Vegas.So he called up the Tourist department and asked them. “Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Amritsar and Las Begas…”
The man at the other end replies, “One second sir…”
Banta immediately replies “thank you” and puts the phone down.

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 31, 2008

Santa: "Banta have you been in love?"
Banta: "Yes I have been in love but she is not responding. She keeps on saying I love u. Now I don't know who the hell is this U"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 31, 2008

PRINCIPAL: If I see any boy in girls hostel then he will be fined 100 bucks. Next time the boy is caught he has to pay 300 bucks"
Banta: "Can I get a monthly pass. It would be cheaper..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 31, 2008

Santas Girlfriend asks him, "Darling, on our engagement will you give me a RING?"
Santa: "Ya sure, Give me ur telephone No..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."

The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a central minister of this country!"

The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Banta was running with his pregnent wife, who was about to deliver, when an elderly couple asked him, "Why are you running so much with your wife in this condition?"
Banta replied,"we want to reach Pizza hut. They have advertised for a free delivery with every order..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Banta to his friend: "I am in a grave problem... my wife charges 100 bucks for a kiss"

friend: "You are still lucky. She charged me 500 bucks yesterday."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Once Banta bought a can of refined oil and asked the shopkeeper, "where is my free gift?"

shopkeeper said, "why?"

Banta said, "there is written colestrol free..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Teacher: "How old is your father."
Banta: "As old as I am."
Teacher: "How is it possible?"
Banta: "Well he became father only after I was born."

THEJOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Santa and Banta visit Egypt. Guide takes them to a museum Egyptian mummy is kept.

Banta: "Look so many bandages, must have met with an accident with a truck."

Santa: "Yes you are right, they have also mentioned the registration number of the truck. BC-1760!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day???

It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins !

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

One day Banta was having a terrible fight with his wife. After 2 hours he asks his wife, "do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means…Without Information Fighting Everytime!"

WIFE says, "No, it means - With Idiot for Ever"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Banta was writing something very slowly. His friend asked, "Why r u writing so slowly?"

Banta said, "Im writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Banta proposed a Girl. The girl said, "Im 1yr elder to you..."

Banta said, "no problem darling, I”ll marry you NEXT YEAR."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Banta to Girlfriend: "Darling I can't marry you everyone in my family is against it."

Girlfriend: "Who all are there in your family."

Banta: "1 wife and 3 kids... "

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008S

Once Banta the Doctor falls in love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse, "I Love U sister..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Teacher: "Where were u born?"

BANTA: "Ludhiana."

Teacher: "Ok, tell the spelling."

BANTA: "Sorry, I was born in Goa"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

Teacher: "If A=b, B=C then A=c can u tell me one more example of this type?"

BANTA: "I love teacher.teacher loves his daughter, so I love teacher's daughter"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

BANTA: "A teacher."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY30, 2008

TEACHER: "Banta, your composition on My Dog is exactly the same asyour brother’s. Did you copy his?"

BANTA: "No, teacher, it’s the same dog!"

THE JOKE OF INDIA WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "Now, Banta,tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

BANTA: "No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2003

TEACHER: "What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!"

BANTA: "Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

BANTA: "Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?"

FATHER: "No. Why do you ask that?"

BANTA: "Well, where did you get mummy then?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?"

BANTA: "Because George still had the axe in his hand!!!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

BANTA: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time and at the same place."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "Banta, give me a sentence starting with I."
BANTA: "I is…"
TEACHER: "No, BANTA. Always say, I am."
BANTA: "All right… I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "Banta, how do you spell crocodile?"
BANTA : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: "No, that’s wrong."
BANTA: "Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "Banta, go to the map and find North America."
BANTA: "There it is!"
TEACHER: "Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?"
CLASS: "BANTA!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 30, 2008

TEACHER: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
BANTA: “HIJKLMNO!!!"
TEACHER: "What are you talking about?"
BANTA: "Yesterday you said it’s H to O !"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Owing to the increasing number of prayers and requests to GOD...HE has started a new call centre...
called HEAVENLY PARADISE..
magine what would happen if GOD installed Voice Mail in Heaven
When you pray, you'd get this response:
"Hi ,Thank you for calling Heaven. If you want to speak toLord Ganesha - Press 1
Lord Shiva - Press 2
Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with " Gopiyan " )
For a Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4
For Further Assistance from Menka / Pari / Angels Press 9 .
You press 1 and get connected to Ganeshji and hear the following
message:
If you want to make a request - Press 5
For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works )
For thanks giving - Press 7
For any thing else - please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you
If you would like to hear Naradji singing Bhajan while you are
holding ! Press *
After a few minutes comes the following message: " Our records show
that you have already prayed once today .
Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency
assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

A policeman finds drunk Banta crawling on all fours in the middle of the street.

The cop approaches him and asks him, "What on earth do you think you’re doing?"

Banta replies, “I’ve lost it."

The policeman asks him curiously, "lost what?"

Banta answers, "well (hic...) my balance sir."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Banta in a pawnshop and sees this beautiful Grandfather Clock and winds up buying it. Banta asks the owner if he can deliver the clock and the owner replies that he cannot make deliveries.

So only living a few blocks away Banta decides to strap the clock on his back and carry it the few blocks.

After a block or so, a drunk comes staggering out of a bar and bumps into Banta knocking him down on his back and smashing the clock to bits.

Banta then jumps up and starts cussing the drunk out and saying "look what you did to my beautiful clock you idiot” The drunk then replies, "hey buddy I’m really sorry why don’t you wear a wristwatch like everyone else."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Banta got drunk and was driving back home on a montainside. A preacher were driving up right behind drunk Banta.
Banta under the influence of alcohol was swerving from side to side. The preacher was driving straight and true.
All of a sudden, the preacher lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff. Banta noticed the preacher going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if preacher was all right. He noticed the preacher was climbing up the hillside.
Banta yelled down at the preacher, "Are you alright?"
Preacher replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me."
Banta then yelled back, "You had better let him ride with me next time...cuz your gonna get him killed!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Banta was drunk, but he got behind the wheel of his car anyway and began to drive home. Of course, he couldn't exactly drive straight or stay below the speed limit.

Two policemen pulled him over and asked him to walk a straight line, and he failed. They began to take him with them, but suddenly they received a call on their walkie-talkies, asking them to go to another part of town.

They asked Banta to be patient while they called someone else to cover for them. But, Banta grew tired of waiting and, after a few minutes, drove home.

He got in bed and said to his wife, who had been waiting for him, "If any policemen come looking for me, tell them I'm not home yet." The wife agreed, somewhat confused and a little embarrassed.

No sooner than her husband fell asleep did she hear a knock at the door. Sure enough, it was the two policemen. They asked about her husband, and she replied that he wasn't home.

Then they asked to check her garage. Puzzled, she agreed. She opened up the garage for them--and there sat the policemen's squad car, lights still flashing.

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY JULY 28, 2008

An obnoxious drunk Banta stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk."
A few minutes later, Banta comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, you're too drunk"
Five minutes later Banta comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"
The drunk Banta scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places also said the same thing."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY JULY 25, 2008

One day a genie appeared to Bantta and offered to grant him one wish.
Banta said:” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to London so I could drive there anytime"
The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"
Banta thinks for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of my wife-what she is thinking, why she cries. I wish I knew how to make her truly happy."
The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 24, 2008

Santa got a job at airport as a ground engineer. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by Santa after one month.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Santa: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Santa: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.

Santa: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.

Santa: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

Santa: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Santa: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.

Santa: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Santa: That's what they're there for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative.

Santa: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.

Santa: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.

Santa: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.

Santa: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.

Santa: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.

Santa: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Santa: Took hammer away from midget.

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 23, 2008

Banta decided to be a pilot signs up at a small airport and was told they only equipment available is a helicopter.
Banta thinks for a moment and says, "That’s fine, I'll just learn how to pilot a helicopter."
After some ground instructions the day of the solo comes and Banta is at the commands of the helicopter. He goes up 1000 feet with no problem, climbs to 2000 and the instructor asks “ Is everything o.k.”
Banta responds; “yes everything is going well.”
The instructor is very happy to have such a great student and decides to give him the last test, so he orders Banta to climb to 3500 feet, make a turn and land. The instructor goes out to see the landing when suddenly he sees the helicopter falling down.
Luckily after all that the Banta was alive, and the instructor asked him, “what happened when everything was going so well?"
Banta replied: "It was getting cold so I turned the outside fan off."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 22, 2008

Banta: "My wife is very scared of water, I don't know what to do about it"
Santa: "How do you know?"
Banta: Yesterday afternoon when I reached home early I found her in the bathtub taking bath with a security guard."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY JULY 21, 2008

Banta admitted to a mental hospital fell in love with another inmate. Banta loved the woman so much that when she fell into the pool he jumped in to save her.

Later that day the nurse came into Banta's room and said, "I have some good news and bad news for you. I spoke to the head psychiatrist and he thinks that your act to save the woman you love from drowning showed that you had good judgement and that you were of sound mind and you will be released from the hospital and can go home. The bad news is that the woman you love has just hung herself in his room and is now dead."

Upon hearing this Banta replied, "Oh no she didn't hang herself, I hung him up to dry because she was all wet. When can I leave?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SUNDAY JULY 20, 2008

Banta was driving home on the freeway after work when he was hit by a hailstorm that left his car completely dented all over. He decided to go to a body shop and asked the owner how much he would charge to remove the dents.
Seeing Banta, he winked at his partner, and told him it wouldn't cost anything if he followed his instructions carefully.
Banta drove home and when his roommate Santa came out of the house he found his friend sitting on the ground at the back of the car blowing really hard in the tail pipe."What on earth are you doing" Santa asked.
Banta looking up with big smile and a black ring around his mouth said "The man at the body shop told me that I could save a lot of money on repair work if I blew really hard into the tail pipe. he said that all the dents would pop out"
"Naaahhh" said Santa, "but first you have to roll up all the windows!!!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY JULY 19, 2008

Banta reported for university final examination which consisted of "yes/no" type questions. He took his seat in the examination hall and stared at the question paper for five minutes.

In a fit of inspiration, Banta took out coin and started tossing and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour he was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, Banta was seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.

The examiner, alarmed, approached Banta and asked what was going on.

Banta said, "I finished the exam in half and hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY JULY 18, 2008

Banta was running back and forth from his computer and his mailbox.
His friend Santa who was passing by could not stop himself from asking him that what is the matter
Banta said, "My dumb computer keeps on saying 'you've got mail'."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 17, 2008

Banta was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile.


Finally, the superviser asked him why he was doing less each day.


Banta replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day."

joke courtesy ajokeaday.com

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JULY 16, 2008

Banta was driving his pickup down a country lane when suddenly a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He's just about to slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken has sped on ahead doing about 30 Kilometers per hour.

Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into Santa's farm.

As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has three legs. He pulls to a stop in front of the farmhouse, and looking around, notices that all the chickens have three legs.

He says to Santa, "Three-legged chickens? That's astounding!"

Santa replies, "Yep, I bred 'em that way -- I love drumsticks."

Banta: "Well, tell me, how does a three-legged chicken taste?"

Santa: "Dunno, haven't been able to catch one yet."

joke courtesy ajokeaday.com

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 15, 2008

Banta had a dream that he was a great cricketer and had a great fan following asking for his autograph whereever he went. Next day early morning he walked out of his house holdingh a ball and a bat.

As he threw the ball up in the air, he announced, “I am the best batsman ever!” He swung with all his power, but missed.

He did the same thing and missed again. He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more time, said “I am the best ball player in the world!” Then he swung and missed again. “Wow! Banta said. “What a bowler!”

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY JULY 14, 2008

Santa took his wife to Punjab National Bank. Suddenly robbers stormed in. During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes!
The robber shot him.
Then he asked Santa's wife "did you see my face?"
She said "no, but my husband over there did."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SUNDAY JULY 13, 2008

Banta goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar.
"This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him."Oh, really?"
The other replies. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" Banta asks.
"Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gogh, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!" says Banta.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."
"No way! That's impossible," Banta scoffs.
"Not at all. Take a look," the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "See? It's fun. You should try it," he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" Banta shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "Give it a try. It's a blast," he says.
"Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try," Banta says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10... 20... 30... 40... 50...60...70...80...90... 100 feet and splat -- he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.
After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

the joke courtesy ajokeaday.com

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY JULY 10, 2008

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs?

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

“That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out.

The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

joke courtesy ajokeaday.com

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 8, 2008

Banta, Mr Mukherjee, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train.

The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the Banta has a red five finger mark on his cheek.

The blonde is thinking: Banta must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakedly groped the old lady, so she slapped him.

The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.

Banta is thinking: Mr Mukerjee must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakedly slapped me instead of him.

Mr Mukherjee is thinking: I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn Banta again!!!

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY JULY 7, 2008

Santa and Banta after working for 10 years in Germany decide to return to India. Both decide to get German cars as momentos.
Santa finds Beatle a different looking car and buys it without checking.
Banta also lands up at Beatle dealer who fools him by saying This car has a spare engine in dicky. Banta buys that car without checking the front engine.
Months down the line Banta finds sad looking Santa on the road searching for something next to his car. Asks him "what are you looking for?"
Santa says "I think I lost my engine..."
Banta says "I have a spare engine in my dicky you can use it till you find it..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SUNDAY JULY 6, 2008

After reading a tender notice for tunnel across English Channel Santa and Banta submitted their bid. Since their bid was lowest they were called for an interview.
The authorities asked them how they are going to do it?
Banta said "very simple I will start digging from French side and Santa will dig from English side, we will meet in midway to complete the tunnel."
One of the panalists counter questioned "what if you two don't meet?"
Santa said "you don't worry about it, in that case you will have two tunnels..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY JULY 5, 2008

Santa and Banta landed up in London. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa somehow managed to get a seat on the lower deck. But, unfortunate Banta was pushed towards the upper deck. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta.
He saw Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "hey Banta! What the heck is going' on? Why are you frightened? I was enjoying my ride down there..."
Scared Banta replies. "because you've got a *driver..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY JULY 4, 2008

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JULY 3, 2008

Banta got the fourth child.
He fills data in the birth certificate.

“Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh.
Kid: Chinese.”

“How come you write “Chinese” when both parents are Sikh?”
” Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese.”

The Joke of the Day Wednesday July 2, 2008

Banta and his girlfriend were out driving one day. He noticed that his girlfriend kept looking at him and smiling.

Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Can you drive using only one hand ?"

"I sure can", Banta grinned, thinking his luck was in.

"Good" she said, "then wipe your nose; it`s running

The Joke of the Day Tuesday July 1, 2008

A husband was fed up of his wife's habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour.

One day she hung up after 25 minutes….

“What is the matter today? asked her husband. “Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone.”

“I got a wrong number,” she replied.

The Joke of the day Monday June 30, 2008

An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniver- sary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

The Joke of the Day Sunday, June 29, 2008

Three friends who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?
The 1st friend is thrilled to get home early. He does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
The 2nd friend is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at his health club before meeting a dinner date.
The 3rd friend is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.
The next day, the other two friends talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd if he wants to leave early also.
He exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”

JOKE OF THE DAY THURSDAY JUNE 26, 2008

Banta had recently purchased a new computer with Microsoft Windows as the O/S and was unhappy with the same and writes a letter to Bill Gates, regarding the same.
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child has learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer' when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Regards,
Banta

THE JOKE OF THE DAY WEDNESDAY JUNE 25, 2008

Two explorers, camped in the heart of the African jungle, were discussing their expedition. “I came here,” said one, “because the urge to travel was in my blood. City life bored me, and the smell of exhaust fumes on the highways made me sick. I wanted to see the sunrise over new horizons and hear the flutter of birds that never had been seen by man. I wanted to leave my footprints on sand unmarked before I came. In short, I wanted to see nature in the raw.
What about you?”
“I came,” the second man replied, “because my son was taking saxophone lessons.”

JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY, JUNE 24,2008

An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorilla's skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.
On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help!"
The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"

JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY JUNE 23

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something. "No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you. Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes. The Polack started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!" Well... he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave. The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, Naked Polack Run Over By Freight Train!!

JOKE OF THE DAY. SUNDAY, JUNE 22, 2008

A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend some time on his farm, and being as busy as he was, the farmer had no choice but to accept her offer.
A few days later, the farmer's mother-in-law was killed when his mule kicked her.
Thousands of people from town who had heard about the death came to the poor lady's funeral, many that the farmer didn't even know. A minister noticed this, came up to the farmer, and asked him, "Why are there so many people here?" The farmer answered, "Oh, they're not here for the funeral. They want to buy the mule."

Funny Joke of the day

Changu: Yaar I saved 50% of my Honeymoon costs.
Mangu: How?
Changu: I went alone on Honeymoon:)
Mangu: You are a fool! I saved 100%
Changu: How?
Mangu: I sent my wife with someone else:)