Tuesday, July 29, 2008

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Owing to the increasing number of prayers and requests to GOD...HE has started a new call centre...
called HEAVENLY PARADISE..
magine what would happen if GOD installed Voice Mail in Heaven
When you pray, you'd get this response:
"Hi ,Thank you for calling Heaven. If you want to speak toLord Ganesha - Press 1
Lord Shiva - Press 2
Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with " Gopiyan " )
For a Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4
For Further Assistance from Menka / Pari / Angels Press 9 .
You press 1 and get connected to Ganeshji and hear the following
message:
If you want to make a request - Press 5
For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works )
For thanks giving - Press 7
For any thing else - please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you
If you would like to hear Naradji singing Bhajan while you are
holding ! Press *
After a few minutes comes the following message: " Our records show
that you have already prayed once today .
Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency
assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive
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QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

FUNNY DEFINATIONS OF THE DAY

School: A place where Father pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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