Friday, August 1, 2008

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

Banta is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Banta says, "I am only following the instructions Answer in brief'".

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

Banta out on morning walk suddenly stops and starts staring at a banana peel which was resting on the pavement. Santa was passing by and he also stopped and asked Banta what is it.
Sad looking Banta looks up and says, "I will have to slip once again, someone has been careless with banana peel once again."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008

Banta finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask god for help. "Oh god, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Banta again goes back to the god, "oh lord, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!!
Back to the god, "my lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light and Banta is confronted by the voice of the lord: "BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST."

THE CARTOON OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 1, 2008





This cartoon is published with permission of Ben Hoffman. You can view his full collection at http://benhoffman.wordpress.com/


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QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

FUNNY DEFINATIONS OF THE DAY

School: A place where Father pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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