THE JOKES OF INDIA: Jul 20, 2009

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Joke Of The Day

Santa's wife asked him to dry the dishes

and now she is mad at him

Someone please tell him what wrong did he do

Driving Styles...
One hand on steering wheel,
one hand out of window. - Sydney

*******

One hand on steering wheel,
one hand on horn - Japan

*******

One hand on steering wheel,
one hand on newspaper,
foot solidly on Accelerator... - Boston

*******

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut,
both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York

*******

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy

*******

One hand on horn,One hand on holding gear,
One ear listening to loud music,One ear on cell phone,
One foot on accelerator,One foot on clutch,
Nothing on break,
Eyes on females in next car,"THIS IS INDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA"

The Joke Of The Day

It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam.

Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.

SAY NO TO EXAMS

The Joke Of The Day

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex."

"But you are not wearing any of those things," replied the artist.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

The Joke Of The Day

Santa finds himself in dire circumstances. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray...

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotory."

Lotory night comes and somebody else wins it.

Santa again prays...

"God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Santa still has no luck.

Once again, he prays...

"My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Santa is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Mr Santa, WILL YOU PLEASE BUY A TICKET FIRST!!!"

QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

THE JOKES OF INDIA

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Joke Of The Day