The Joke of the Day, Monday, August 17, 2009

Santa and Banta were fighting after exam.

Teacher: Why are you fighting?

Santa: This fool left the answer sheet blank...

Teacher: So what?

Santa: Even I did the same thing, now examiner will think that we both copied.

The Joke of the Day, Friday, August 14, 2009

After playing 18 holes of golf, a few golfers were sitting around the clubhouse settling their bets when another golfer Santa Singh stormed in.

Fuming after a lousy round, Santa slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!"

The Joke of the Day, Thursday, August 6, 2009

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy. "Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

The Joke of the Day, Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Santa Singh was filling out a job application at our place, for a job on the shipping dock. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question was: "Why?"

Santa Singh, apparently not paying attention, answering it anyway wrote in, "Never got caught."

The Joke of the Day, Monday, August 3, 2009

Santa Singh was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ”It could have been worse.”

His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Santa could come up with a bright side.So the next day, one of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Santa asked, ”Where’s Banta Singh?”

And one of his friends said, ”Didn’t you hear? Yesterday, Banta found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.”

Santa says,”Well it could have been worse.”

His friends said, ”How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!”

Santa says, ”If it had happened two days ago, I’d be dead now!”

The Joke of the Day, Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Santa Singh buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Santa says, "I want my 20 lakhs.

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks."

Santa Singh said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.

Santa Singh, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want all my money now! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my 10 rupees back!"

The Joke of the Day, Tuesday, July 28, 2009

One day Santa was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Banta Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Santa was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window.

While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.

When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Banta Singh.

The Joke of the Day, Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK.

On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE.

Again Santa thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

The Joke of the Day, Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

The Joke of the Day, Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Santa bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend.

He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening.

But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " What Happened, My Son?"

Santa got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car people are crazy! They have five gears for going forward, but only one for coming back!"

The Joke of the Day, Monday. July27, 2009

Santa Singh was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his wife was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about food right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."

Santa went back in the house and fixed himself a big meal and tall glass of Lassi.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

The Joke of the Day, Monday, July 27, 2009

Santa's first Love letter

Dearest Billo,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 20th of June 2009.
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 20th of June 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.Yours sincerely
Santa Singh

And promptly came the reply

Dear Santa Singh,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.
Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps,

Billo

The Joke Of The Day

Santa's wife asked him to dry the dishes

and now she is mad at him

Someone please tell him what wrong did he do

The Joke Of The Day

Santa finds himself in dire circumstances. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray...

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotory."

Lotory night comes and somebody else wins it.

Santa again prays...

"God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Santa still has no luck.

Once again, he prays...

"My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Santa is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Mr Santa, WILL YOU PLEASE BUY A TICKET FIRST!!!"

The Joke of the Day

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was Santa, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"

The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

Finally Santa arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When Santa arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?".

Santa replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

The Joke of the Day

Santa died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate god tells him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year. God said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." God opens the gate without another word.

The Joke of the Day

Santa and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New Delhi. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American."Okay," says the American, "your turn".

Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes up Santa and hands him $500. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.

The Joke Of the Day

After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.

When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

The Joke of the Day

Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, Santa declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don`t charge me for food and drinks!"So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal.

Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food."Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting."And what is that dish?" asked the curious American."Wheat of India!" replied Santa proudly.

Finally, Santa took out some desserts. He offered some to the American."What is it?" asked the American."Sweets of India!" replied Santa.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud fart from Santa."What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.Santa replied coolly, "That`s Air India."

The Joke of the Day

Santa was riding his bike one day when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the lord said, :because you have been faithful to me in all ways I will grant you one wish."

Santa thinks for some time and then says Lord make a bridge from Amritsar to London so that I can ride my bike to london whenever I wish to.

The god said just think of cement, steel it will take to build that kind of bridge and moreover it will be too long a streatch for you to ride why dont you ask me something else

Santa thinks about it and then says Lord I wish that I could understand my wife, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, what makes her scream. I want to know all that so that I can help her in her moodswings

The god thinks for a moment and says, "tell me how many lanes do you want in that bridge Mr Santa. I will make that bridge."