THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

There was a rich man who was approached by a poor beggar asking for food.The rich man asked, "Do you smoke? I could give you some cigarettes."The beggar responded, "No, I don't. I am just hungry and want food."Then the rich man asked, "Do you drink? I have a bottle of good whiskey I could give you."The beggar replied, "No, I don't drink. I am just hungry and need food."Finally the rich man asked, "Do you gamble? I could give you some good tips on the races this weekend."The beggar again replied, "No. I am just hungry and want some food."Finally the rich man said, "Well, in that case, I had better take you to my home."He invited the beggar into his car and drove him to his very substantial home. There, he introduced the beggar to his wife, who asked, "What are you going to do with this man? Are you going to invite him to live with us, eat our food, and wear our clothes?"The man replied, "No, of course not. I just wanted to show you what happens to a man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 2008

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"
The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

Banta had a bit of a drinking problem. Every day, he would spend the entire evening at a local bar and arrived home, drunk, around midnight. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his drunken state. But Banta continued his routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, spoke to a friend about her husband's behavior. The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of screaming and shouting at him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, amidnight, when Banta arrived home in his usual condition. This time, instead of shouting her lungs out as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?"
At that, Banta replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

Banta was reading newspaper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Basanti' written on it."
He says, "honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Basanti was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away. Three days later again when Banta is reading paper when his walks up and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 9, 2008

Banta man went out for a winter vacation to Mumbai. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, screamed and fell to the floor

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.