The Joke of the Day, Monday. July27, 2009

Santa Singh was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his wife was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about food right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."

Santa went back in the house and fixed himself a big meal and tall glass of Lassi.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

The Joke of the Day, Monday, July 27, 2009

One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

The Joke of the Day, Monday, July 27, 2009

Santa's first Love letter

Dearest Billo,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 20th of June 2009.
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 20th of June 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.Yours sincerely
Santa Singh

And promptly came the reply

Dear Santa Singh,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.
Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps,

Billo

The Joke of the Day, Monday, July 27, 2009

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morningHusband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - oh god! forget it where's your salary.Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am goingHusband - Its now safe to turn off your computer