Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home.
The steering, dash board,
gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming,
earlier I sat on the back seat.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Joke Of The Day
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago,
he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
The Joke Of The Day
Santa: I have swallowed a Key.
Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
The Joke Of The Day
How did Santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
The Joke Of The Day
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.
The Joke Of The Day
An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards !
The Joke Of The Day
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was thetrip?'
'It was great, Dad.'
'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.
'Oh yeah,' said the son.'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father
The son answered:'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.We buy our food, but they grow theirs.We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'
The Joke Of The Day
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'
Santa says, 'I think my wife is also having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'
His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'
Santa says, 'I think my wife is also having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'
The Joke Of The Day
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, Dear?"
He answered, "A round of drinks."
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, Dear?"
He answered, "A round of drinks."
The Joke Of The Day
Mom's Letter on bathroom door:
Dear Kids,
Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about thirty minutes and will involve soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for.
(Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)
Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things. The large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I promise that even though you can't see me, I am on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago. I didn't mean it. Honest. There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day.
"Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.
Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. The answering machine will take the message. If you feel you need to answer it, take a message. Since Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with telephone number tattoos.
Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I'm choosing NOT to answer you.
Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it more this time. Trust me. No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I remember who you are and why you are grounded.
No, you can't go to Shelby 's house to play. No, you can't go to Jayden's house to use the bathroom. If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.
Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them. Do not set the house on fire.
Call me if there is an emergency. Emergencies ARE:
Dad has fallen off the roof.
Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
There's a red fire truck in front of our house.
Emergencies ARE NOT:
Dad has fallen asleep.
Someone on TV is bleeding.
There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.
One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots. In the future, when the tub overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay? No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever. Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.
By the way, all Play-Doh experiments are hereby canceled.
Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table. I'll be out soon.
Maybe.
Love,
Your Mom
Dear Kids,
Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about thirty minutes and will involve soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for.
(Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)
Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things. The large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I promise that even though you can't see me, I am on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago. I didn't mean it. Honest. There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day.
"Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.
Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. The answering machine will take the message. If you feel you need to answer it, take a message. Since Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with telephone number tattoos.
Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I'm choosing NOT to answer you.
Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it more this time. Trust me. No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I remember who you are and why you are grounded.
No, you can't go to Shelby 's house to play. No, you can't go to Jayden's house to use the bathroom. If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.
Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them. Do not set the house on fire.
Call me if there is an emergency. Emergencies ARE:
Dad has fallen off the roof.
Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
There's a red fire truck in front of our house.
Emergencies ARE NOT:
Dad has fallen asleep.
Someone on TV is bleeding.
There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.
One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots. In the future, when the tub overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay? No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever. Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.
By the way, all Play-Doh experiments are hereby canceled.
Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table. I'll be out soon.
Maybe.
Love,
Your Mom
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