THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Owing to the increasing number of prayers and requests to GOD...HE has started a new call centre...
called HEAVENLY PARADISE..
magine what would happen if GOD installed Voice Mail in Heaven
When you pray, you'd get this response:
"Hi ,Thank you for calling Heaven. If you want to speak toLord Ganesha - Press 1
Lord Shiva - Press 2
Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with " Gopiyan " )
For a Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4
For Further Assistance from Menka / Pari / Angels Press 9 .
You press 1 and get connected to Ganeshji and hear the following
message:
If you want to make a request - Press 5
For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works )
For thanks giving - Press 7
For any thing else - please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you
If you would like to hear Naradji singing Bhajan while you are
holding ! Press *
After a few minutes comes the following message: " Our records show
that you have already prayed once today .
Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency
assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

A policeman finds drunk Banta crawling on all fours in the middle of the street.

The cop approaches him and asks him, "What on earth do you think you’re doing?"

Banta replies, “I’ve lost it."

The policeman asks him curiously, "lost what?"

Banta answers, "well (hic...) my balance sir."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Banta in a pawnshop and sees this beautiful Grandfather Clock and winds up buying it. Banta asks the owner if he can deliver the clock and the owner replies that he cannot make deliveries.

So only living a few blocks away Banta decides to strap the clock on his back and carry it the few blocks.

After a block or so, a drunk comes staggering out of a bar and bumps into Banta knocking him down on his back and smashing the clock to bits.

Banta then jumps up and starts cussing the drunk out and saying "look what you did to my beautiful clock you idiot” The drunk then replies, "hey buddy I’m really sorry why don’t you wear a wristwatch like everyone else."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Banta got drunk and was driving back home on a montainside. A preacher were driving up right behind drunk Banta.
Banta under the influence of alcohol was swerving from side to side. The preacher was driving straight and true.
All of a sudden, the preacher lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff. Banta noticed the preacher going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if preacher was all right. He noticed the preacher was climbing up the hillside.
Banta yelled down at the preacher, "Are you alright?"
Preacher replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me."
Banta then yelled back, "You had better let him ride with me next time...cuz your gonna get him killed!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY TUESDAY JULY 29, 2008

Banta was drunk, but he got behind the wheel of his car anyway and began to drive home. Of course, he couldn't exactly drive straight or stay below the speed limit.

Two policemen pulled him over and asked him to walk a straight line, and he failed. They began to take him with them, but suddenly they received a call on their walkie-talkies, asking them to go to another part of town.

They asked Banta to be patient while they called someone else to cover for them. But, Banta grew tired of waiting and, after a few minutes, drove home.

He got in bed and said to his wife, who had been waiting for him, "If any policemen come looking for me, tell them I'm not home yet." The wife agreed, somewhat confused and a little embarrassed.

No sooner than her husband fell asleep did she hear a knock at the door. Sure enough, it was the two policemen. They asked about her husband, and she replied that he wasn't home.

Then they asked to check her garage. Puzzled, she agreed. She opened up the garage for them--and there sat the policemen's squad car, lights still flashing.