Monday, August 11, 2008

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 11, 2008

One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY MONDAY AUGUST 11, 2008

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says, "He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pourher a drink. You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 11, 2008

Santa and Banta are sitting and drinking beer when out of the blue Santa says, “I think I’m gonn a divorce my wife… she ain’t spoke to me in over a month.”

Banta sips his beer and says, “Better think over, women like that are hard to find.”

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

FUNNY DEFINATIONS OF THE DAY

School: A place where Father pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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