Santa got a job at airport as a ground engineer. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by Santa after one month.
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Santa: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Santa: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Santa: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Santa: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Santa: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Santa: Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Santa: DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Santa: That's what they're there for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative.
Santa: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Santa: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Santa: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Santa: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Target radar hums.
Santa: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Santa: Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Santa: Took hammer away from midget.
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