Monday, July 27, 2009

The Joke of the Day, Monday, July 27, 2009

Santa's first Love letter

Dearest Billo,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 20th of June 2009.
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 20th of June 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.Yours sincerely
Santa Singh
And promptly came the reply
Dear Santa Singh,
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.
Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
Billo

The Joke of the Day, Monday, July 27, 2009

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morningHusband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - oh god! forget it where's your salary.Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am goingHusband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

FUNNY DEFINATIONS OF THE DAY

School: A place where Father pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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