Friday, July 17, 2009

The Joke Of the Day

After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

The Joke of the Day

Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, Santa declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don`t charge me for food and drinks!"So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal.
Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food."Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting."And what is that dish?" asked the curious American."Wheat of India!" replied Santa proudly.
Finally, Santa took out some desserts. He offered some to the American."What is it?" asked the American."Sweets of India!" replied Santa.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud fart from Santa."What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.Santa replied coolly, "That`s Air India."

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

FUNNY DEFINATIONS OF THE DAY

School: A place where Father pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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