Friday, August 8, 2008

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

Santa and Banta went out fishing, but they could not manage to catch even a single fish all day. Then, another fisherman passes by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"
The other fisherman replies,” If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."
They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, Banta tells Santa "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."
Santa dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. salty."
30 minutes later, Banta asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty."
One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."
"This isn't good," Banta finally says. "We have been rowing for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"
"I know," says Santa. "And the bucket is almost empty!"

THE JOKE OF THE DAY FRIDAY AUGUST 8, 2008

One day Santa came in to work with both of his ears bandaged. When his boss asked him what happened, he explained: "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rangand I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"

"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but whatabout the other?"

Santa said, "They called back!"

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

OSHO IN ONE OF HIS DISCOURSE:

Beloved marter, I feel shocked when you used the word fuck what to do?
Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame. He says: One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'. Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses: Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. Incompetence: He is a fuck-off. Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck? Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Anxiety: Today is really fucked. And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

FUNNY DEFINATIONS OF THE DAY

School: A place where Father pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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